Introspective Medical Post

Many Anniversaries are happy, some are sad but filled with warm memories; tomorrows is neither. Ten years ago, tomorrow, I got the diagnoses of Fibromyalgia. It was wonderful to know what had been making me so sick for years; but it was disheartening to find that there wasn't a "cure" or a lot of information on symptom management, especially for a Juvenile patient. But I got a good doctor and created a management plan that worked.

But some how, over the coarse of ten years I have gradually gotten worse. For a NON-degenerative disease (syndrome technically), this is not a good thing. I am resentful that I can't manage my health now; I know some of it is my inability, but I know some of it is just my body working against me.

And now nearly ten years to the day I am diagnosed with an additional issue. I was to the endocrinologist today. My Thyroid is still unhappy. I officially have hypothyroidism and have meds for it. Yay, one more pill to take for the rest of my life. He thinks the nodule is because my thyroid is working double time to produce hormones. This is a common and controllable illness; but is yet another item on my almost comical list of medical issues.

Sometimes I think God placed my brain ans spirit in the wrong body.

Once again the year goes out with me wishing and hoping that the next year will bring more good health then then one that has passed.

I hope you are all well.

We Need a Little Christmas

Yes, I took an unannounced week off. We had a little case of lie here. Things are okay, I just had a number of doctors appointments and things to do.

One of those was working on the Nativity Pageant at Church. I re-wrote the old play, really i used the old play as a guild line for length and form. I am also directing it. This is the first time my work is being preformed and the first time I have directed. I know it's only a Church thing and the children in it have minimal/no experience, but it is still very cool. And I am very excited.

However the house has suffered; it has become very cluttered and I still haven't gotten our decorations up. Today is cleaning, tonight is getting boxes out of the attic and getting our tree. Tommorow is cleaning the kitchen, making soup and decorating the rest of the house.

Hope all is well in your worlds,
Kate

Faith

Usually when people have a crisis of Faith they find that their Faith is lacking something and that maybe they had Faith in something that isn't really there. This past week I have been finding that I am having the opposite. I am finding that maybe I don't have enough Faith and that maybe I need to close my eyes and just trust and believe. I was raised very Catholic, as a teen with issues and opinion I found that a) the Church didn't support and help me enough and b) I didn't agree with a number of the Church's positions on things. I have learned I don't have to agree with everything. I am also realizing how members of my family find comfort in ritual, tradition, prayer and the idea of there being more.

And through all this and all my wishing, that it was as easy as when I was little and had all the Godly Faith in the world, I still find that I have a block in my path.

picture credit http://www.rosaryaday.com

Getting to Know You

I was not tagged; but this has been floating around and I thought it might help you all to get to know me better.

The Rules
1. Copy the questions and then answer them (post it on your blog remember).
2. Tag 4 people and let them know you have tagged them.
3. Let the person [who tagged you] know that you have done a post for the tag.

What are your nicknames?
Kate is my diminutive, my family, acquaintance and coworkers call me this. My husband and close friends call me Magpie, my husband also calls me Baby Bird. And some people know me as Marguerite, it is the name I use for my fifteenth century (hundred years war) recreation.

What TV game show or reality show would you like to be on?
Does Antiques Roadshow count as a reality/game show? I find most of the others demeaning and mind numbing.

What was the first movie you bought in VHS or DVD?
Hmm I'm not sure, I think it was Prancer, on VHS, I loved that movie when I was little. I'm still pretty fond of it.

What is your favourite scent?
Oh I love so many; as far as perfume goes I would have to say Lavender, Amber, and a mixture of Sandalwood and Rose. For room fragrance I love the smell of baking bread or pie. And I love seasonal smells, cinnamon, pine and cranberry for autumn/winter, and lilac, lotus and sage for spring/summer

If you had one million dollars to spend only on yourself, what would you spend it on?
A nice house with lots of land; then I would fill the land with heirloom plant, vegetables and livestock.

What is one place you've visited, can't forget and want to go back to?
England! I went to London and Bath for my 18th birthday. My parents and I only spent about four day in England and I would love to go back for at least two weeks. And then take a side trip to Ireland and France to finish out the month.

Do you trust easily?
I want to, but I am cynical, I've been hurt in the past.

Do you generally think before your act, or act before you think?
I can be very impulsive and sometimes not in a good way. I try to think before I act, and many of my actions are very planned out. However I sometimes I do just go with my gut and act.

Is there anything that had made you unhappy these days?
My health getting worse, and having to face the fact that long term disability may be a reality. Unfortunately being so chronically sick and not able to work has effected my ability to keep the house in a clean and organized manner.

What is your favorite fruit?
Berries, all of them. Clementines are a very close second.

What websites do you visit daily?
My Gmail home page, I can check my email, the weather, basic news bulletins, and daily quotes to ponder. I also visit Live Journal and various blogs.

What have you been seriously addicted to lately?
The internet, and playing with my dog, Fozzy.What's the last song that got stuck in you head?
I piece form the Nutcracker, the March of the Toy Soldiers to be exact. It appears in a lot of Christmas commercials and movies.

What is your favourite thing to wear?
My wedding and engagement rings. But my favourite article of clothing is skirts, they are comfortable and lady like.

Do you think Rice Krispies are yummy?
Not as a cereal, but I love Rice Krispie Treats, they are a good Gluten Free treat.

What items couldn't you be without during the day?
My buckwheat heat-up pillow, a blanket or warm sweater and socks, a book or good magazine and a comfortable place to sit.

What should you be doing right now?
Nothing, it's my scheduled break; but I need to get up and do the dishes in a few minutes.


Well I'm not tagging anyone, but I would love to read about everyone. So if you read this and haven't done it already please post your responses in your journal and post a comment here so I can find you and get to know you better. Have a lovely day, ~Kate

Do

I'm having one of those days where my pain levels are high and my energy levels are low; it causes the smallest tasks to seem daunting. I feel overwhelmed and frustrated. My poor husband, R., is having a very similar sort of day; but he has the added stress of being at work. I just want to go back to bed. But Life needs to be met and dealt with. And all one can do is pray and meditate, then gather their self up and do.

Home and Hibernating

I hope everyone had a lovely weekend and Thanksgiving. R. and I were up in Connecticut visiting my family. I really miss them and the state I grew up in. My mother made a wonderful holiday dinner for our small clan; and my grandmother made a warm comfort food dinner for us on Saturday, before we drove home. I was very thankful to be "Home", how ever it was nice to arrive home late on Saturday.

Were I was raised will always be "Home"; Connecticut and my family are a large part of who I am, and who I want to be. But were my bed is will also always be home; it's were I rest my head and live on a daily basis. I can not just occupy a house, I must live in a home.

On Sunday our house went from home to den. After putting on our winter weight over the weekend, R. and I decided to hibernate on Sunday. We were both very worn out and in need of a quite rejuvenating day. We woke up a few times to walk the dog, have some dinner and watch a few Christmas movies; but other than that it was a day of sleeping. It really is a Joy to have a day were you can lounge around in your pajamas with one of your favorite people.

However, this morning began a new week and a new month. R. went off to work and I am here trying to organize the week. There is a lot to be done this week; the laundry is waiting for me and the house needs to be put back to straits and thoroughly cleaned before we decorate for Christmas.

I hope you all have a productive and peaceful week.

Mother Letter

I found this blog via another blog I read; I love the idea and wrote a letter myself (even thought I am not yet a mother).

Dear Mother,
I am not a Mother yet, and do not have any sage stories or trials of child rearing to share with you. But as a young woman who can still remember her years spent being reared I do have one plea: The rules aren't always right! When I was very young I was diagnoses with a learning disability, and at the time one of the ways for helping children who were LD and ADD was to remove all distractions from their learning area, and environment in general. My parents realizing my creativity did not do this, they just worked a little harder with me. And they gave me the gift of my very own desk; with drawers and cubbies to fill with crayons, paper and other creative distractions. My spelling is still not the strongest; but I later went on to the Talented and Gifted program, a Charter School for the Art and Humanities and a great small highly rated College. I now write poetry and essays, blog, and craft. And though I had many hard years in school, I learned how to focus myself, work at my faults, and were able to keep the things I loved and brought me joy in my life.

Much Luck and Peace,
Kate (a young writer with a rocky start)

Brrrrr

So far this week has been cold here; colder than most of last winter was. I'm not dealing with the chilly weather as well as I have done in prior years. I'm the girl who would walk around New England with out a coat on, in the dead of winter.

I have also noticed today, that I would really love some plants in the house. The only real problem is that we have one sunny window and it's in the bedroom. Our main living area gets very little sun light. I hope Santa can find me some shade friendly house plants.

Photo: Light Collector by Lori Archer

A Little Box of Sunshine

Sometimes it really is the simple, little things in life; one of my greatest joys of this in-between season (no longer really Autumn and not quite Christmas) is a clementine, or three. They are so small, bright and juicy; really I could devour a whole box, if they didn't cost so much. So instead, I try to savor each one.

Thankful for Thankfulness

Sometimes we just need to be thankful that we have the ability to be thankful!
"What a happy holiday it is, how social and pleasant and comfortable and easy! How near and dear all the bright faces gathered around the long table at Thanksgiving-dinner, seen to be. Truly, we should all be thankful that we have a Thanksgiving."
- The Original Girls Handy Book, by Linda Beard and Adelia Belle Beard 1887

Simple Beginnings

At many times my life could have gone many different ways, and most of those times it was my own choice that shaped things. But in my early years my parents made a series of choices, and though I can't say whether one was better than the other, I do know that my life could have been very different.

When I was born my parents lived in a small pre-war house settled on a long narrow strip of land. It had a lawn to play on, flower beds to hide in, berry patches, vegetable beds and a few fruit trees. My mother made most of my baby clothes, including bibs and bedding, and cooked most of our meals from scratch. She worked part-time and I was cared for by my grandparents or in someone's home with a hand full of other young children. It was the start of the 80's and my parents had a budget to live by and a whole lot of energy for a good life.

I remember playing outside, or in the lower cupboard where the pots and pans were stored, and going to the library. We didn't watch a lot of television and what I do remember watching was on PBS. And my baby sister was my favorite playmate. We never wanted for things, and most of the things we owned were of quality, not quantity. Bedroom furniture was bought from a good store, in a classic style and piece by piece. We still have the high chair, cradle, head boards, dressers and desk that my sister and I shared. What was gifts and what was saved for, I don't know, but it was all saved.

This life, though seen through nostalgic, blurred eyes, is the kind of life that I aim for, for today. Though I loved the later years of living on a child filled cul-du-sac, in a new house, with cable and pretty much anything I wanted. Part of me wonders how my life right now would be different if working at the simpler things had ingrained on me as habit and not just memories.

The sad part, I fear, is that living that life now would cost twice as much as it did then, even after you adjust for inflation. (but that's another day's post)

Watering Can on Chair by Cecile Baird

Good Heavens...

Has it really been over a month since I last posted? Well, I apologies. Life here has been both hectic and dull. I had a little set back in my health, but am doing better. I have come to the point were I need to add a little structure to my life.

I am thinking of choosing a day of the week to focus on a special topic. Is there something special you want to read or learn more about? Maybe health issues, or green cleaning tips, reciepes or prodjects. I would love to hear your opinions.

Also I think I am going to choose a day to write about daily life. Like I said I need a bit more structure, and a little motivation; and I think this blog, and you Dear Reader, can help with that.

Holiday Help

For some of you this might not be on your mind yet, and for others it might be to late; but non the less I have a little sharing to do, and if you can't put it to use this year hopefully you can use it next.

I have been one of those people standing in line on Christmas Eve, buying the last minute gift, and my husband has been saddled with expedited shipping costs, and the tension of waiting because he waited to long to order a gift. But no more, not in this house. After last year we decided to implement a new rule: If it's perfect buy it now! I don't care if it was August, but when my favorite shop to buy gifts, back in CT, was having a side walk sale, and I happened to be home visiting, you bet I bought presents for family and friends. Over the summer I have managed to buy for the two trickiest people on my list. Even stocking stuffers can be bought ahead of time; my husband's favorite after-shave goes on sale, or fuzzy socks are on clearance, I'm at a craft fair and find cool wooden toys. It all gets picked up and tucked away.

As items come into the house they go into a big plastic bin and some time right before Thanksgiving I will go into it and take stock, the few people left on the list will get shopped for over the next week or so. I can apply the same principle to birthdays, as those sneak up out of nowhere, but except for kids we tend to do a nice card and a gift certificate or a bottle of wine.

By buying early and/or on sale I have saved money in purchase price and shipping, I have saved worries and stress. Also you avoid going bankrupt; instead of spending $1,000 plus in December, you are spending $20 here and there threw-out the year. My husband and I just don't go to the movies that week, or we spend it out of our “fun/mad money” if we are on vacation when we find it. I spend less on myself as well by doing this. That vacation or craft fair, in the past I would have bought something for myself, but now I think of and buy for others.

Also, another forward thinking thing we do is buy paper and cards after Christmas; the other year we bought a ton at Target on clearance and only used about half last year. Strings of lights, ornaments, hooks, ribbon and the like all need to be sold at the end of the season. And, while what you need is still fresh in your mind, and this years stuff hasn't quite been all but away is the perfect time to stuck up. It saves money and hassle. When everything goes up the following year, you have everything you need.

I am really looking forward to being on top of things for the Holidays this year. I can happily walk around 'main street' and window shop, and I can avoid the mall if I am so inclined. Everything will be at home just waiting for me to do my favorite two things; sit under the tree and wrap gifts and then sit under the tree again while I watch my loved ones unwrap them.

(photos are of family Christmas Trees, top left is my In Law's, middle right is my Parent's, and bottom left is mine, all from 2007)

Just Popping In

Yet again I didn't get "the fabulous job", and even though I am disappointed I'm beginning to be okay with it. Even though I have been feeling better, I don't think my body is ready to sustain regular activity. I have also been trying to think of something interesting and thoughtful to share with you all. But as of yet I have nothing. You will however be the first to know, when I do manage to hobble together an informative post.

But until then I hope you all have (or have had) a restful weekend!

Wast of Energy

Today I spent the better part of an hour talking to a neighbor; she had herself in a flutter about what happened to her this weekend. To make it brief, more than one neighbor has made more than one complaint about her to the management. And this is not the first time that I have politely stood and listened too such things.

Living in a small court yard of neighbors who largely have nothing to do (nearly all are retired) has opened my eyes to what excess time and boredom can do. Idleness has led these people to gossip and childish games.

Ladies and Gents, please don't waist your time with soul hurting. There are much better ways to spend ones time, even those who are old or sick can do things. Read a book, call your family and talk about their week, volunteer, start a garden; there are millions of things one can do. But please, people stop wasting your time and burdening your soul with childish gossip and games.

Open your hearts and your minds to your neighbors and be kind not only to their face, but when they have their back turned or their door closed.