I have been thinking lately about the things we need verses the things we want; sometimes the line between the two is so faint that one may not be able to tell the difference. I need shelter, but I want a nice (simple and modest) home. I need to eat, but I want to create nutritious, delectable organic meals. I must cloth myself, but I want to wear feminine and flattering clothing.
There are things that I want so badly that I have convinced myself that I need them.
I think I may be suffering from a case of the green eyed monster. There are many things in life that I want; good health, secure finances, a comfortable hospitable home, babies, time and energy to write, sew and craft, and a hobby farm/home stead. There are a number of people in my life who are in a similar place, but they are attaining the very same things I want. I am over joyed for them. And though I try to be as pure in heart and thought as possible; part of me envies them. I do not deny these people their blessings, I think they are wholly deserving. It is not for me to question, but I still want to know why. Why it is that I am plagued by bad health and a broken body when all I want is a strong healthy body and soul that can till the earth and create.
I don't mean to sound whiny. I intend to be inquisitive and contemplative.
Is it that I am doing something so wrong that I am denying myself or sabotaging myself? Or despite all that I want for myself, does God want something different for me, or of me?
I have been meditating on this for few weeks, quietly thinking about it. I'm strong willed and I pray for others, but I don't pray for guidance. It maybe time for me to start, but I'm not sure where.
Maybe what all this boils down to is that I want to know what it is that I need verses what I want; and what it is the "Universe" wants and needs of me.