25 March, 2008

Needing and Wanting

I have been thinking lately about the things we need verses the things we want; sometimes the line between the two is so faint that one may not be able to tell the difference. I need shelter, but I want a nice (simple and modest) home. I need to eat, but I want to create nutritious, delectable organic meals. I must cloth myself, but I want to wear feminine and flattering clothing.

There are things that I want so badly that I have convinced myself that I need them.

I think I may be suffering from a case of the green eyed monster. There are many things in life that I want; good health, secure finances, a comfortable hospitable home, babies, time and energy to write, sew and craft, and a hobby farm/home stead. There are a number of people in my life who are in a similar place, but they are attaining the very same things I want. I am over joyed for them. And though I try to be as pure in heart and thought as possible; part of me envies them. I do not deny these people their blessings, I think they are wholly deserving. It is not for me to question, but I still want to know why. Why it is that I am plagued by bad health and a broken body when all I want is a strong healthy body and soul that can till the earth and create.

I don't mean to sound whiny. I intend to be inquisitive and contemplative.

Is it that I am doing something so wrong that I am denying myself or sabotaging myself? Or despite all that I want for myself, does God want something different for me, or of me?

I have been meditating on this for few weeks, quietly thinking about it. I'm strong willed and I pray for others, but I don't pray for guidance. It maybe time for me to start, but I'm not sure where.

Maybe what all this boils down to is that I want to know what it is that I need verses what I want; and what it is the "Universe" wants and needs of me.

1 comment:

Karen said...

God just wants you to give what you have. We've all been given gifts, some one thing, some another. Though what you can do may seem small, remember our Lord looks at your heart. To Him a small gift with the right intention is a worthy offering.

It may be He wants to teach you patience. I've heard that many times in my past and I never liked to hear it, but it turned out to be the case. We could all use more patience.

Whenever I start to envy I try to think of all the people who have lived and died having not even a fraction of what I have. I try to think of all the things I'm grateful for in my life. It always helps. I know it's hard when you see people who seem to have everything you want and don't even appreciate it, but the key is to try not to want it. Remember all the things you CAN do and don't dwell on what you can't.

When I'm jealous of other women, this may sound strange but since it's usually out of insecurity, it doesn't help to try to think better of myself, it helps more to think how vain and useless everything is in this life. Beauty fades, things break, people leave.

If you are doing the best with what you have, I believe God will honor that.